


Remember the Caesura

by FlintMcC



Category: Eddie and the Cruisers (1983)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 07:59:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17199641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlintMcC/pseuds/FlintMcC
Summary: What happens when Frank Ridgeway and Joann Carlino learn that Eddie Wilson survived the accident when his car ran off the Raritan River Bridge?





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

“Remember the Caesura” is a sequel to the author’s “The Love That’s Blind.” However, it is also a sequel to _Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives!_ (1989), the film sequel to _Eddie and the Cruisers._

_Eddie Lives!_ begins about two years after the end of _Eddie and the Cruisers,_ or twenty years since Eddie Wilson disappeared when his car went off the Raritan River Bridge on March 15, 1964. At this time, Satin Records reissues _Tender Years,_ the Cruisers’ only album, and the record goes platinum. The Cruisers return to the top of the charts, and the resurgence in popularity of their two-decades-old music causes an emotional crisis for Eddie Wilson, who has been hiding out in Canada as construction worker “Joe West.”

In the midst of his crisis, Eddie finds a new girlfriend, an artist named Diane Armani, and makes a new friend, a saxophone player named Hilton Overstreet (who, unbeknownst to Eddie, recognizes who “Joe West” really is by the way he plays his guitar). “Joe” confesses to Diane that he is really Eddie Wilson, and with her encouragement, he becomes involved in a new band, Rock Solid, headed by a young rocker named Rick Diesel. Hilton plays sax in the band.

“Joe” and Rick frequently clash over the quality of their music and Rick’s ambition. Then Rock Solid is accepted to play at a music festival in Montreal. Before the festival, Eddie returns to New Jersey and is reconciled with his old friend the Cruisers’ bass player Sal Amato; Sal (the only character besides Eddie himself to return from _Eddie and the Cruisers_ ) forgives him for letting everyone believe for twenty years that he died in the accident. With encouragement and support from Hilton and Diane, in front of the vast music festival audience, “Joe West” reveals that he is really Eddie Wilson.

As "Remember the Caesura" begins, Eddie Wilson’s reappearance has caused a sensation, covered by the popular media. Frank Ridgeway, Eddie’s “Wordman” (and former lover), and Joann Carlino, Eddie’s former girlfriend, learn of Eddie’s reappearance. Frank and Joann had bonded over the search for the missing master tapes of _A Season in Hell,_ the Cruisers’ never-released second album. What happens when they discover that Eddie is still alive?

Readers are encouraged to read “The Love That’s Blind” first, not because the author is conceited about his own work, but because it may help make sense of this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Frank Ridgeway was exhausted. It had been a long, tiring day teaching English literature to bored and uninterested tenth graders. Once, Frank had approached teaching with enthusiasm, sharing his love of poetry with his students, but those days were long past. He was burned out. He was counting the years till he was eligible for a pension, and there were far too many of them. He had just taken off his coat when his telephone began to ring. He frowned as he picked up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Frank? It’s Joann,” came the voice down the wire.

Immediately Frank felt better. “Hi!”

Twenty years earlier, during their days in Eddie and the Cruisers, Frank and Joann had been attracted to each other. After eighteen years apart, they reunited over the search for the missing master tapes for _A Season in Hell,_ the Cruisers’ never-released second album. Almost immediately, they began an affair, but the passion soon faded under the stresses of everyday life. The distance between Vineland, where Frank lived and taught high school, and Atlantic City, where Joann worked in casino entertainment, was not great, but they lived their lives on incompatible schedules. As a teacher, Frank was in his classroom Monday through Friday, but Joann’s job required her to work weekends. Also, Frank, a divorced father of two daughters, took seriously his responsibilities to his children. Frank loved his girls. He placed a high priority on parent-teacher conferences, field hockey games, dance recitals, band concerts, and all the other activities that went along with being a good parent. The result was that they were unable to be together often, and the relationship rapidly became platonic. Nevertheless, they were happy together, genuinely affectionate, and devoted to each other. They spent time together whenever and as often as they could.

“Frank, did you see a newspaper today, or any TV news?” Joann asked.

“No. I was running late this morning, and I just got home. We had a faculty meeting. Why?”

“Brace yourself, Frank,” Joann said quietly. “He’s alive.”

“Who? Who’s alive?” Then the meaning hit Frank hard. Joann could mean only one person: Eddie Wilson. “EDDIE? No! It’s not possible! It’s been twenty years!”

Joann went on. “A couple of weeks ago he showed up at a music festival in Montreal. He’s with a band called Rock Solid. He’s been calling himself Joe West and living in Canada and working construction.”

“Are you sure it’s him? I mean, after all these years?”

“It’s him. There was film of the music festival on the _Today_ show this morning. I saw it. He hasn’t changed much in twenty years. There’s no doubt about it. It’s Eddie. They interviewed Lew Eisen, too. You remember him from Satin Records? He was there to check out Rock Solid. The lead guitarist sent him a demo tape without telling Eddie. Lew recognized him right away. There’s no doubt, Frank,” Joann repeated. “It’s Eddie.”

“Oh, my God,” was all Frank could think to say. Then, “Did you talk to Sal? Does he know?” Sal Amato, the former bass player from the Cruisers, had known Eddie Wilson longer than anyone else in the band.

“Sal knows. I called him this morning. He said about three weeks ago, he was on the beach with his youngest boy. It was sort of foggy, Sal said. He looked up, and there was Eddie, like some sort of ghost coming out of the mist.”

“Sal knew and he didn’t tell us?” Frank was incredulous.

“Sal said he thought it was Eddie’s right to tell us when and if he wanted to, so he didn’t say anything.”

Somewhat reluctantly, Frank realized that Sal was correct; it was Eddie’s right. He was silent so long that Joann finally said, “Frank?”

“Sorry. I’m here. Yeah, I guess Sal was right about that.”

“What do you think we should do, Frank?”

“I think we should go to Montreal. Can you get some time off?”

“Yes. My assistant can cover for me.”

“Okay. Tomorrow I’ll tell my principal I need to be away on a family matter,” which was true; the Cruisers had been a family. “I’ll pick you up day after tomorrow.”


	3. Chapter 3

Frank hung up the phone and collapsed into a chair. Eddie was alive. Frank could barely comprehend it. The shock of the news rattled him. He tried to light a cigarette, but his hands were trembling so much that he dropped it. How could it be possible? Eddie was alive?

Then the shock gave way to anger. How could Eddie do it? Disappear for twenty years, leaving behind everyone who loved him without a word? Never a word in twenty years? How could he do it? How could he hurt Sal, and Joann, and Frank himself that way? To let them all believe he was dead? Frank and Eddie had been in love—Joann had recognized it in both of them before Frank understood it. How could Eddie go away for twenty years and leave behind everyone who loved him—especially Frank himself?

Then after the anger came tears, twenty years of stored-up tears. Frank had spent half his lifetime missing Eddie Wilson, mourning him, thinking of him every day. When Eddie disappeared, it had nearly killed Frank. He had never stopped loving Eddie. Through several girlfriends and one failed marriage, it had always been Eddie. Even as he built himself a life, Frank knew that his one great love was Eddie Wilson. The pain of losing him had dulled with the passage of time, but it never completely went away. Then Maggie Foley’s documentary came on television. Maggie meant well, Frank knew, but the documentary made him feel as if he were being poked in an old wound that had never completely healed. Now the news that Eddie was alive brought on an attack of great, heaving sobs. How could Eddie stay away for twenty years? How could he cut Frank out of his life, after what they had meant to each other?

Frank spent the night in that chair. He smoked cigarette after cigarette. His emotions swung back and forth between happiness that Eddie was still alive, and anger that for twenty years Eddie had let everyone believe he was dead. The memories tumbled in one after another: The first time he laid eyes on Eddie Wilson, when Eddie walked into Tony Mart’s with the rest of the Cruisers. Eddie taking him into the band to play keyboard. He and Eddie working together to write “The Dark Side,” the most popular song in the country in the summer of 1963. Eddie humiliating him at Benton College, and then the two of them having hot, desperate sex in back of the college bleachers. He and Eddie making passionate but tender love in Frank’s old apartment over the salt water taffy shop. Then that terrible day when Eddie’s car went off the bridge, and Joann told him that she knew Frank and Eddie had been in love with each other.

Finally, Frank dozed off. Sun streaming in the window woke him in the morning. He woke up feeling exhausted, groggy, confused, and emotionally worn out. He wasn’t sure if he was angry with Eddie, if he was still in love with him, or both. Of one thing he was certain, however. Frank knew he had to see Eddie again.

He looked at his watch. He was going to be late for school; too bad. The first thing he did was call Joann to make sure she was alright. When she picked up the phone he didn’t even bother to say who it was. Right away, he asked, “Are you okay?”

Joann didn’t need to ask who it was. “I’m fine,” she said. Frank was puzzled by how calm she sounded. She had been in love with Eddie, too, had been Eddie’s girl, and had stayed in love with him even after she realized that Eddie was in love with Frank.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Frank repeated.

“Frank, I’m fine,” she repeated. “I admit I didn’t have a very good night, but I did a lot of thinking, and I’m okay.”

“Well, if you’re sure, then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	4. Chapter 4

The drive from South Jersey to Montreal was long and tiring. They took turns driving. They were just north of Albany, with Frank driving, when Joann put her hand on Frank’s arm. “Frank?”

“Hmm?” Frank glanced at her and then put his eyes back on the highway.

“Frank, I need to ask you something.”

Frank glanced at her again. He raised his eyebrows.

“How do you feel about Eddie? Knowing he’s alive. You two. …” She hesitated, then she went on deliberately, “You two were in love with each other. Are you still in love with him?”

Frank’s shoulders slumped a bit. He shook his head. “After you called me, I got really angry, and then I felt really hurt. You know what he and I meant to each other. You knew it before I did.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know what I feel,” Frank admitted. Joann thought he sounded as if he were disgusted with himself. “I’m still angry, I’m still hurt, and I guess I’m still in love with him.” He shook his head. “I just don’t know.” He enunciated each word with individual emphasis. He shook his head again. Then he glanced over at Joann. “But what about you? How do you feel?”

“How do I feel?” She hesitated a moment. Then she went on, “Anything between Eddie and me? It’s over.”

“Are you sure? After what happened when Doc came for the tapes?”

“I guess I made a fool out of myself that night,” Joann said.

“No, you didn’t,” Frank replied. “You loved Eddie, and we both wanted it to be him, even though we knew better.” He shook his head. “Sometimes I still think I should’ve let Doc have it for upsetting you like that.”

“You’re a good man, Frank Ridgeway. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Frank smiled at her. “At least Doc did what he promised. He made a good deal with Satin Records to get _A Season in Hell_ finally released.”

“Yes, he did,” Joann replied.

“But how do you feel? Are you sure it’s over?”

Joann was silent for what seemed a long time. Finally, she said quietly, “I did a lot of thinking the other night. I guess there’s a part of me that will always love Eddie Wilson, but Eddie and I as a couple? That’s part of the past now.”

“Are you sure? Now that we know he’s still alive?”

“Yes, I’m sure. That night, when I gave Doc the tapes, that was like the last flare-up of a dying fire. After I’d hidden those tapes for eighteen years, giving them up was like finally letting go, of Eddie and of our relationship. It finally brought me closure. Even though I know now that he’s still alive, the relationship is over.” She sighed and repeated, “It’s over, and I’ve moved on.”

For some time they drove on in silence. Then Joann said, “But Frank, what are we going to say when we see him? About you and me.”

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.” Frank shrugged his shoulders. “I guess we tell him we’re a couple. We are a couple, aren’t we?”

“Yes. Yes we are,” Joann said decisively. She smiled at Frank.

“Then that’s settled.” Frank gave her a quick return smile, then went back to watching the highway. Some minutes later, however, another thought occurred to him. He cleared his throat. “Joann?”

“Hmm?”

“What are we going to do if he won’t see us?”

“Of course he’ll see us!”

“Well, we want to see him, but what if he doesn’t want to see us?”

“He came all the way back to Jersey to see Sal. I’m sure he’ll see us.”

“I hope you’re right,” Frank said.


	5. Chapter 5

When they finally arrived in Montreal, they were able to find a nice but reasonably priced hotel (one room, two double beds) with little trouble. It was impossible not to find where Eddie and Rock Solid were playing. There were billboards with Eddie’s face all over the city.

But when they got to the arena where Eddie and the band were playing, they got an unpleasant surprise. The young woman in the box office told them that tickets were sold out for a month and a half in advance. There wasn’t even standing room.

“Now what do we do?” Joann said. “After we came all this way?”

Frank thought a minute. Then, “You got a pencil and some paper on you?” Joann fished a pen and a small notepad out of her bag and handed them to Frank. He scribbled a quick note and tore the page off the notepad. He took a ten-dollar bill out of his wallet and wrapped the note around it, making sure that the bill protruded enough so that the denomination showed. He scanned the crowd flowing into the auditorium until he spotted a young man wearing a badge that read “Usher.” Frank called him over and showed him note, making sure he saw the ten-spot. “Please,” Frank said. “Take this to Eddie Wilson. It’s really important.”

The usher glanced at the bill and said, “Yes, sir.” He took the note and headed into the crowd.

“Frank, what did you write in that note?” Joann asked, puzzled.

Frank grinned at her. “’Remember the caesura.’ Eddie’s bound to know who that’s from.”

At the mention of that word, _caesura,_ Joann felt the years fade away till she was once again on the band stand at Tony Mart’s. The Cruisers were rehearsing, and Eddie got into an argument with Sal over how to play a throw-away rock-‘n’-roll dance tune called “Betty Lou Got a New Pair of Shoes.” Eddie insisted the song need a pause in the lyrics. Sal disagreed. Frank, a college dropout working a summer job, was mopping the floor when Eddie unexpectedly turned to him and asked his opinion.

Showing off his education, Frank said he thought the song needed a caesura, a kind of strategic pause, he explained. Surprised and delighted to find someone who agreed with him, Eddie said, “That’s exactly right!” He saw immediately that Frank understood what he wanted to do. “Hey, kid,” Eddie said to him, “you can stay.” And that was Frank Ridgeway’s introduction to the Cruisers.

Within ten minutes, the usher returned. “Follow me, please,” he said. Frank and Joann exchanged looks. Then they followed the usher into the backstage area. He led them to a door with a placard attached to it that read “Eddie Wilson.”

The usher knocked on the door, and a voice within called, “Yeah? It’s open.” Frank and Joann looked at each other. Even through the door, the voice was unmistakably the voice of Eddie Wilson. The usher opened the door and stepped aside. Eddie was facing away from the door when Frank and Joann entered, but then he turned, and there he stood, after twenty years: Eddie Wilson, alive—and with a very worried look on his face. What would Joann and Frank say to him after he had let them believe for twenty years that he was dead? What would he say to them?


	6. Chapter 6

Eddie need not have worried. As soon as Joann saw him, she smiled and simply said, “Hello, Eddie,” as if she had last seen him only yesterday. Frank, on the other hand, said nothing. He was too choked up. There he was, Eddie Wilson, the man he had loved so passionately that his presumed death had nearly killed him. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he managed to keep his composure.

For some moments, no one said anything. The three former Cruisers stood looking at each other, Frank and Joann at Eddie, Eddie at Frank and Joann. Then, still looking fearful, Eddie suddenly embraced Frank and Joann both at one time. Sounding a bit strangled and looking uncharacteristically teary-eyed, Eddie said, “I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I should’ve never. … Twenty years. And you were my friends. I loved you both. Can you forgive me? Please?”

Joann sniffed and wiped her eyes; she had become a bit teary, too. “Of course we forgive you. We love you. We’re just so glad that you’re alive.”

“Joann’s right,” Frank said, his voice a little hoarse. “All that matters is you’re alive.”

“Thank you! Oh, geez, thank you!” And he hugged them both again.

When he finally let them go, Eddie shook his head. “I wish Diane—my girlfriend—was here. She’s an artist, a painter. She’s got a showing next week, so she’s real busy. But she’ll be around after the show. You’ll stick around, won’t you? I really want you to meet her. …” His voice trailed off. He realized he’d just dropped a potential bombshell, mentioning a new girlfriend in front of Joann. He looked at her, uncertain of her reaction.

At Eddie’s mention of a girlfriend, Joann grabbed Frank’s hand, but she forced a smile. Frank felt her tremble slightly. He thought, Maybe she isn’t over Eddie as much as she thought she was. Quickly, Frank put his free hand on top of her hand, to steady her. For Joann’s sake, he managed a smile.

“We’ll look forward to it,” Joann said.

Frank put his arm around Joann and gave her a quick, small hug. Eddie, noticing the gesture, said, “Wait a minute. You two?”

Frank glanced at Joann, who gave him a small nod. “Yeah,” Frank said. He sounded a little embarrassed, as if he’d been found out telling a secret that he wasn’t supposed to tell, but he smiled.

“That’s great!” Eddie said. Then he went quiet for a moment, shaking his head as if he couldn’t quite believe what was happening. Again, he said, “Thank you. I’m really sorry.”

Frank put a hand on Eddie’s arm. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. “Really, it’s okay.”

Just then someone knocked on the door and said, “Ten minutes, Mr. Wilson!”

Eddie said, “Well, I guess you oughta go get your seats. C’mon back stage when the show’s over. I want you to meet the band.”

Frank and Joann looked a little embarrassed. “Somethin’ wrong?” Eddie asked.

Joann answered. “They told us at the box office your shows are sold out a month and a half in advance.”

“You mean you don’t have seats?”

“I’m afraid so,” Frank answered.

Eddie frowned. He opened the door and looked up and down the corridor. He spied someone and called out, “Hey! Danny!”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Wilson?” The answer came from a well-built young man, with curly dark hair and blue eyes, who was wearing a form-fitting polo shirt with the word _Security_ across the chest.

Eddie turned to Frank and Joann. “I got a box. It’s where Diane sits when she comes to hear us play.” He turned to the young security guard. “Danny, these are two of my oldest friends. You take them to my box and see that they got anything they want.”

“Yes, sir!” The young man turned to Joann and Frank, smiled, and said, “This way, please?”

Joann kissed Eddie on the cheek. “Thanks, Eddie.” As they followed young Danny out the door, Frank thought of something. “Hey, Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“You doing any of our old songs?”

“Not yet,” Eddie replied. “These are new guys. I’m writing them new songs.”

“You mean in twenty years you learned to write your own words?”

Eddie smiled. “I had a good teacher, Wordman,” he said.

“And you haven’t forgotten the caesura?

“No!” Eddie laughed. “I haven’t forgotten the caesura!”


	7. Chapter 7

When they were seated in the box, Frank said to Joann, “Are you okay?” He looked closely at her. “You seemed a little shaky when Eddie said he’s got a girlfriend.”

“It just took me by surprise, that’s all. I wasn’t expecting it. But I’m okay. Really, I am.” She put a hand on Frank’s arm.

Frank smiled. “Okay. As long as you’re okay.”

The box gave Frank and Joann an excellent view of the stage. The auditorium was completely filled. Inexplicably, the band was nearly twenty minutes late taking the stage. The audience was getting restless and had begun chanting, “Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!” when the band ran out of the wings and took their places, Eddie following last. When the cheering and applause died down, the band launched into their first number, “Runnin’ Thru the Fire.”

“Good song,” Frank said to Joann.

The song finished, Eddie introduced the band: Quinn Quinley on base, Stewart Fairbanks on keyboard, Charlie Tanzie on drums, Rick Diesel lead guitar, and Hilton Overstreet on saxophone. As if he even needed to, as he had done at every performance since the music festival, he ended by introducing himself, saying quietly into the microphone, “And me. I’m Eddie Wilson.”

When the applause for the band and the cheers for Eddie had subsided, Eddie thanked the audience, and then he said, “I wanna introduce two special guests we got here tonight.” He pointed to the box where Frank and Joann sat, and a spotlight followed his gesture. “Two original Cruisers, Miss Joann Carlino and Mr. Frank Ridgeway!” The audience greeted Frank and Joann with enthusiastic applause. Eddie was gratified.

As the applause died away, Eddie turned to Stewart and nodded. Stewart began the opening bars of a song Frank knew only too well because he had written the lyrics and had played it at least a thousand times: “The Dark Side,” the Cruisers’ biggest hit. The applause and cheering went on so long that the band was obliged to start the song over again. “He’s doing that for us, you know.” Joann said to Frank.

“I know,” Frank replied. His eyes were a little moist. He thought, So that explains why they were late in taking the stage. Eddie was getting the band ready to play “The Dark Side.”

Eddie and the band ran through Rock Solid’s entire repertoire with only one break. (Frank leaned over and said to Joann, “Remember when Sal used to complain because Eddie never took a break?”) They finished up with “Pride & Passion,” a song whose lyrics, Frank felt, perfectly captured Eddie’s view: Ultimately, it wasn’t publicity or fame that mattered, it was only the music.


	8. Chapter 8

After the performance, Frank and Joann made their way backstage. The guys from Rock Solid were happy to meet two of the original Cruisers. Eddie made sure they knew that it was Frank who had written the words to “The Dark Side.” His girlfriend Diane Armani joined the group for dinner at a bar and restaurant where the band frequently hung out. Joann and Frank had been a little apprehensive about meeting her, but they liked her immediately. She was lovely, friendly, and outgoing, and she was happy to meet two people from Eddie’s past who were clearly very dear to him. When Joann had an opportunity, she whispered to Frank, “She’s wonderful. I’m so happy for him.” Frank nodded his agreement.

Dinner over, they hung out in the bar. A few people who had been at the concert were there. They asked Eddie to autograph their programs, and he was happy to comply. Two even had with them their copies of the reissued _Tender Years._ Eddie gladly signed the album covers, and he insisted that an embarrassed Frank sign them, too. “You’re on that record, too,” he pointed out.

The bar area proper was raised about a foot above the main floor, which held a dozen tables, a dance floor, and a small stage. The edge of the bar area was protected by a wide wooden railing that had cut-out spaces to hold ash trays and drinks. As the evening wore on, the crowd thinned out. Rick, Quinn, and Charlie disappeared with the young women they had met at the bar. Joann and Diane sat together on a banquette, heads together, talking quietly. Stewart and Hilton were discussing music, Stewart seated on a bar stool, Hilton leaning against the bar. Eddie and Frank stood together, leaning on the railing, smoking, drinking, and talking.

Indicating Joann and Diane, Frank teased, “Don’t it make you nervous, the current and the ex, having their heads together like that?”

“Nah. Diane is cool. If it weren’t for her, I’d still be Joe West poundin’ nails somewhere. She’s the one really gave me the courage to come out of hiding.”

“Then I guess the world has her to thank for giving us back Eddie Wilson.”

Eddie smiled but shook his head as if he couldn’t quite believe that he was no longer an obscure Montreal construction worker. Frank went on, “So how does it feel to be back in the spotlight?” he asked.

Eddie knocked the ash off the tip of his cigarette. “Ya know, Wordman, it feels pretty good,” he admitted. “Feels even better to be myself again, after twenty years.”

At the mention of “twenty years,” Frank went silent for a while. Then, very quietly, he said, “Why did you do it, Eddie? Leave everyone who loved you and let us think you were dead?”

Eddie couldn’t answer at first. Then he looked at Frank and shook his head. “I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“What do you mean, you couldn’t take it? I don’t understand.”

“I couldn’t take it,” Eddie repeated. He went on. “First Wendell died, and then I—we—spent a whole year workin’ on _A_ _Season in Hell._ You remember what those recording sessions were like. You know how proud I was of that album. And then that bastard Lew Eisen said it was crap.” His voice got a little tight. Even after twenty years he was still bitter. “For a solid year I poured my soul into that music, and then Lew Eisen said it was crap.” Eddie shrugged. “It was too much. I just couldn’t take it.”

“So you disappeared for twenty years.”

Eddie swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you come back? We all loved you.” Frank’s tone was mournful.

Eddie looked into Frank’s eyes. “First I was embarrassed at what I did, and then I was ashamed of myself for doin’ it, and then I was afraid.”

“What were you afraid of?” Frank was puzzled.

Eddie turned away. “I was afraid none of you could forgive me, after what I done.”

“Awww, Eddie,” was all Frank could think to say. He put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

For a while, neither said anything. Then Frank cleared his throat. “You know,” said, “I’ve been thinking about those lyrics you wrote for ‘Pride & Passion,’ the part about not needing a limousine or a magazine cover? I know it’s always been about the music for you, but right now it looks like you’ve got it both ways, the music and the fame.”

“It won’t last,” Eddie said, but he smiled.

“What do you mean?”

Eddie spread his arms. “Right now, everybody wants to see the legendary Eddie Wilson, back from the dead.” He let his arms drop. He shrugged and smiled. “It won’t last.”

Frank said nothing. Eddie went on, “Ya know, at a college we played before the music festival, they had a great big banner behind the band that read ‘Rockin’ Sounds of the Sixties.’ It’s like we were a nostalgia act before we even got started.”

“I’m sorry,” Frank said quietly.

“I’m okay with it,” Eddie said. “Us Jersey boys, we had our day. Mighta been longer except for that asshole Lew Eisen and that bunch of shitheads at Satin Records, but we had our day. Now’s the time for that other Jersey boy.”

Frank frowned, momentarily puzzled. “You mean Springsteen?”

“Springsteen.” Eddie thought a moment. “Here. Lemme show you somethin’.” He took out his wallet and removed what appeared to be a small clipping from a magazine article. The fragment had been laminated to preserve it. He handed it to Frank.

One of the sentences had been carefully underlined. Frank read aloud, “Springsteen cited as an early influence the music of the early Sixties New Jersey band Eddie and the Cruisers.”

“Not bad, huh, Wordman?”

Frank grinned. “Not bad at all!”

For a while they smoked and drank in silence. Then, Eddie said, “Ya know, I’m already thinkin’ about startin’ a new band.”

“What’s wrong with Rock Solid?”

“Nothin’. They’re a good band, but those guys are young and ambitious. It won’t be long before Rick gets tired of bein’ the guitar player who backs Eddie Wilson.”

“What about the others?”

“Quinn and Charlie can write their own tickets. And Stewart? The kid plays six instruments. You should hear him play that classical stuff. He graduated from that music school they got down in Philly. What’s it called?”

“Curtis.”

“Yeah, Curtis. Stewart could be an important concert pianist, but not if he hangs around playin’ keyboard in a rock-‘n’-roll band.”

“What about Hilton?”

Eddie shook his head. “I owe that man so much. Kept me from doin’ some really stupid shit. If it weren’t for him, we would never have played that festival.” He went on, “We’ve already talked about it. Hilton and I are gonna stick together.” He gave Frank a mischievous little smile. “We could use a good keyboard player, kid.”

Frank laughed. “Those days are behind me. I teach high school now.”

“You think about it.”

Frank shook his head, grinning. “Maybe.”


	10. Chapter 10

Eddie took a drag on his cigarette, and Frank took a swig of his beer. In a reminiscing mood, Eddie smiled and said, “So, Frankie, you remember the time I taught you to play ‘The Dark Side’ as rock-‘n’-roll?”

“I sure do,” Frank chuckled. “And I remember Sal and Doc laughing their heads off at me.” Frank went silent for a few moments, and then he went on quietly. “And I remember how patient you were with me.”

“That’s ‘cause I knew you could do it.”

Abruptly changing the subject, Frank said, “You know I was married.”

“No shit?”

“Nine years,” Frank said.

“What happened?”

Frank sighed. “We should never have gotten married in the first place. Doris was always looking and planning for the future. She had our whole life planned out. Trouble was, I could never let go of the past.” He did not say, “I could never let go of you,” but he was thinking it.

“I’m sorry, man,” Eddie said. “Kids?”

“Two girls, Jennifer and Heather.”

“So, what about you and Joann?”

Frank hesitated a moment, but then he smiled and said, “We’re good together.” Eddie didn’t need to know the details, he thought to himself, at least not yet.

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

“Thanks.” Frank smiled. It was good that Eddie felt that way.

Frank lit another cigarette. He looked at Eddie. “You know, I remember something else besides you teaching me to play rock-‘n’-roll.” He lowered his voice. “I remember you and me together.”

Eddie looked at Frank but said nothing.

Frank went on, keeping his voice low. “All those times, you and I were together, I wanted to be with you. I wanted what we were doing, you and me in my old apartment.” He took a drag on his cigarette and blew out a cloud of smoke. “You did, too. Remember? The day before we all went to Satin Records? We both said we didn’t want to stop. I never forgot that.” He was quiet for a moment. Then, he said. “I was in love with you, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Frankie,” he began, but Frank cut him off.

“Times are different now. Back then I didn’t even know it was possible for a guy to love another guy, I mean, more than just friends. I didn’t realize it until after you were gone, and then when I thought I’d never see you again, it hurt so bad it made me sick.” He cocked his head toward Joann and Diane, still seated on the banquette. “It took Joann to make me understand what all those times we were together were all about.”

“Joann?” Eddie said.

“Joann,” Frank nodded. “She said she could see in my eyes that I was in love with you. And she said something else, too.” Frank paused. For a moment he looked away. Then he turned back to Eddie. “She said she could see in your eyes that you were in love with me.”


	11. Chapter 11

At that Eddie gave a start. For a long time he said nothing. He couldn’t look at Frank. He looked away, staring into space, deep in thought. Frank went to the bar and got them each another beer. Eddie accepted his but said nothing. Hilton and Stewart said good night and left the bar. Eddie ignored them. Joann and Diane continued to sit on the banquette, talking quietly, but they began to throw concerned glances at Eddie and Frank. It was getting late.

Finally, Eddie turned to Frank. “Ya know, Frankie” he said, “a lot happened to me in those twenty years, some of it good, some of it bad. Hilton’s good, Rock Solid’s good, and Diane’s the best. But all these years, I always had this feelin’ that somethin’ was missin’ from my life, I mean besides music.”

In spite of himself, Frank had to smile. With Eddie, music always came before anything else.

Eddie went on. “Until now, I never knew what it was that was missin’.” He paused a minute and looked down at the railing. He turned back to Frank. “Now that I see you again, I know what it was. It was you.” He was quiet for a minute or two, while Frank looked at him but said nothing. Then he went on, “Joann was right. All those times we were together. I was in love with you, too. I see that now.” He shook his head. “How couldn’t I’ve understood it? How could’ve I been such a dumb shit?”

Frank put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “You weren’t ‘a dumb shit,’” he said. “I didn’t understand it, either, until you were gone. And I never wanted any other guy. Only you.” He paused and chuckled a little. “You were my idol then, and you’re still my idol now.”

Eddie shook his head. “And I never wanted any guy but you, Frankie.” His voice sounded a little husky.

Frank stubbed out his cigarette. Looking at the ash tray, he said quietly. “I was in love with you then,” he turned to look at Eddie, “and I guess I never stopped. I’m still in love with you. Maybe I have been since the day you walked into Tony Mart’s.” There it was. Frank was sure of himself now, of how he felt about Eddie Wilson. The twenty years of pain and of missing Eddie, and the anger of learning that Eddie was alive and had kept Frank out of his life, all of that was past. None of it mattered anymore. He was still in love with Eddie Wilson—and he probably always would be.

They both leaned on the railing. Eddie’s head was bowed. Then he turned to look at Frank. His smile was a little wistful. “Yeah, kid,” he said quietly. “It’s clear now. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it before. I was in love with you, too. I really was. And I guess maybe I never stopped, either.” Very slowly and unobtrusively, Eddie let his hand slide along the railing until it touched Frank’s hand. Very gently, Frank pushed back. Eddie turned to Frank. Smiling, he held up his other hand, two fingers crossed. “Words and music?”

Frank raised his free hand, fingers crossed. He smiled. “Words and music.”


End file.
